The Bane of Skaia
by InfiniteUniverses
Summary: With no memory, Dave Strider is opened to the world of demigods and must face what demigods face everyday-it's just that he's not a demigod. He's something else. And with a quest on his hands, no memories, and a task to defeat an undefeatable being that most certainly killed his Bro/Father, life seems harder than it should be.
1. Dave: Forget Goldilocks and the 3 Bears

So, the story goes that innocent Goldilocks is starving or somethin like that. She breaks into a house that belongs to Three Bears (as if the city would allow three wild and probably rabid animals to own property) and eats all their porridge (bears don't eat porridge) and sleeps in their beds (which bears aren't supposed to own). The bears come home from taking a community dump or something like and find that this stupid little girl had eaten all of their food and messed up their beds. They feel bad for Goldilocks and decided to become friends rather than eating her guts.

But fuck Goldilocks and screw the Three Bear with their unrealistic stories. Fuck Mother Goose. This is real life. I'm goldilocks and apparently like the old man I've bumped my head on the bed and now I can't remember anything. Also, the girlfriend of the guy who sleeps in this bed is pretty pissed and may go all rabid bear on me.

Let's start from the beginning, though that was only a couple seconds ago. I can't remember much after that but it's easier to start when I woke up and could remember absolutely fucking nothing.

I woke up with the light from the rising sun filtering through the windows of the room I was in. after a yawn I looked around the room and what did to my wandering eye appear? No, I wished it was Santa Claus but instead it was a couple of freaks of nature.

One of the three people gathered around me was part goat or something else, and another one was a cyclops because he was a giant and had one eye. The girl in the middle was scariest though because she had angry piercing grey eyes and a knife up to my throat.

The knife wasn't my biggest concern. I knew that I could pull out Caledscratch out of my strife deck and disarm her easily using my speed and putting her in the position I was in now. I really had no idea what Caledscratch was mind that it was a sword or how I knew could disarm the scary chick mind that I knew that I was able to perform that feat or that I could access whatever a strife deck is mind that I could do that if I wanted to. I was more worried about whether I had clothes on or not.

"Am I wearin' clothes?" I asked frantically. "Cool I'm wearin' clothes. So, what's up?"

The three people assembled around my bed made no movement other than a rather surprised look in their eyes that I was not threatened by the knife in my face. The girl's grey eyes quickly tempered over to the angry glare and asked me a question.

"Who are you and what are you doing in my boyfriend's bed?" she asked angrily.

"Name's Goldilocks an' I thought that it was a bang-up idea to sleep in a stranger's bed. I'm fixin' to git some breakfast. How does porridge sound?" I answered that way because I knew that it would be ironic. I really had no clue what ironic meant other than that it was a literary device or how answering that question like that was ironic but it felt right.

"Answer truthfully," the girl order me, pressing the knife up closer to my neck.

"Dave Elizabeth Strider, Knight of Time an' coolkid. No idea what those titles mean but they're important. I have no idea why the hell I'm here in your boyfriends bed," I answered truthfully not risking my life for a joke. "An' I don't know much more than that."

The girl just glare at me before putting the knife away.

"Elizabeth's your middle name?" the goat boy asked me as the girl started to angrily pace around the cabin.

"Yeah," I answered.

"What is happening?" the girl asked no one in particular. "Why does Hera need Percy in another one of her 'exchange programs'?"

"Hera? Ain't she the goddess of flamboyantly gay men?" I asked. Everyone in the room stared at me. "What? Not the right answer?"

"What else do you know about Greek Myths?" the goat boy asked.

"I knew that Zeus caused a shit load of trouble because he couldn't keep it in his pants," I replied.

"As angry as I am right now," the girl huffed before she began to laugh. "But those two comments just made my day."

"You're welcome, the Knight a Time is always here to make your day a bit more ironic," I answered. "An' who are you yucks?"

"I'm Grover Underwood," the goat-boy answered. "I'm a satyr if you were wondering. You're probably the first person who hasn't freaked out about me having goat legs."

"I'm pretty sure I've seen weirder," I said looking at Grover's hairy goat legs.

"Tyson," the cyclops said without further word.

"Annabeth Chase, daughter of Athena," the girl introduced herself.

"Ain't Athena a virgin?" Dave asked.

"Yeah," Annabeth answered. "It's weird but she created my with her mind."

"Well, we now know Athena has a pretty dirty mind," I said out loud. "And I'm pretty darn sure I had a unusual birth too. I just don't know why."

"Are you from Texas?" Grover then asked.

"Ain't you ever heard the phrase 'Never ask a man if he's from Texas. If he is, he'll tell you on his own. If he ain't, no need to embarrass him,'" I recited, not sure where I knew that from. I was pretty sure I was from Texas though; I had an accent and everything. I also knew Texas proverbs so if that isn't a give-away then I don't know what.

"So, no? Grover guessed.

"No, I'm from Texas, so thank you very fuckin much," I replied as a small Mexican-looking boy came into the cabin.

"Oh look sleeping beauty's awake," he commented seeing that I was sitting up in bed and adjusting the shades on my face.

"Then you must be my prince," I replied. "Too late. That goat boy already kissed me awake."

"What?" Grover asked a bit surprised at being dragged into this.

"You. I like you," the Mexican boy walked up to me to introduce himself. "I'm Leo Valdez."

"Dave Strider," I replied.

"The council is waiting for you guys," Leo told Annabeth, Grover and Tyson. "And him too now that he's awake."

"Oh, the council," I said pretending to act scared. "Are we goin to discuss what we should do with the one true rang? Cause I say we might should through it into the volcano."

"I really like you," Leo said laughing.

"No," Annabeth said grabbing my arm and hoisting me up off the bed. "We are going to decide what we should do with you. And throwing you in the climbing wall seems like a good idea."

"Climbin' wall?" I pondered.

"It oozes lava," Leo informed me as Annabeth dragged me out of the room.

"Well ya can't have any fun in lava. Ya only die in lava," I added as I left the room. Outside, I figured out that I was in a cabin and that I was stuck in a summer camp. Kids were running around with swords and other weapons, or playing volleyball and other games.

"This seems like my kinda camp," I said happily realizing I had never been to summer camp.

"Good, because you're stuck here until you remember who you are," Annabeth told me dragging me into a large baby blue house. She pushed me upstairs to a ping-pong table surround by kids my age and under. There was an old man in a wheelchair that looked like a teacher and a man sitting next to him who wore a leopard pattern tee-shirt and looked like he was previously drunk. I was introduced to everyone starting with the man in the wheelchair called Chiron. Next was Rachel Elizabeth Dare, Jason Grace, Leo Valdez, Piper McLean, Clarisse la Rue (she reminded me of someone but a little less creepy and not obsessed with spiders), Clovis (he was asleep), Travis and Connor Stoll (this camp's version of the Weasley Twins), Butch (a big kid who reminded me of a sweaty guy but Butch wasn't as creepy and his mom was the goddess of rainbows), Will Solace, Lou Ellen, Miranda Gardener, Frank Zhang, Hazel Leserque, Nico di Angelo, Tyson, Grover, and finally Mr. D. Annabeth sat me down in a an open chair between her and Clarisse la Rue who just glared at me like I was a plague.

"This is Dave Strider," Annabeth introduced me to everyone.

"Howdy y'all," I said in a very Texan way.

"Are you a cowboy?" Hazel asked confused with the accent. I sighed as if I had been asked this question a million times just because I had a Texan accent-and I think that I did.

"Sure, I'm a Vaquero. I ride Toros into the sunset as I use my reata to pull in little doggies. At night after I stop by the Icehouse I sit down on the llano and howl at the moons with the mavericks. No, I am not a fucking cowboy. Not all Texans are cowboys. Most aren't," I replied.

"Hazel and Nico are from the 1930's," Annabeth informed me.

"Oh, WWII then," I said out loud. "Time travel's always fun."

"Not time travel," Hazel informed me. "I died and Nico brought me back to the living."

"And I got stuck in a time-quickening hotel for many years," Nico added.

"So not time travel," I clarified.

"Not time travel," Nico agreed.

"Ah," I sat back to think about that,

"So, does Dave have a memory?" Jason asked.

"He has no memory," Annabeth answered.

Everyone groaned at this news.

"I remember some stuff," I interjected. "It's not clear. I know my name's Dave Elizabeth Strider. My title is the Knight of Time an' I'm a coolkid. Uh, let's see. I'm pretty sure I've seen weirder thangs that a goat boy and I had a weird birth if you could call it a birth at all. I've seen friends an' family die an' I've seen horrible people brought down. It's weird but I'm pretty sure I've died too, but I'm alive now. Oh, an' I'm certain I'm bisexual. Sexual preference is always important."

"Bisexual?" Hazel asked confused.

"I like both guys and gals," I answered for myself. "I really don't care about a person's gender because they're hot to me either way."

"Thank-you for that information," Annabeth said a little disgruntled. "Anything else? Any people?"

I closed my eyes for a second and a memory came rushing back. A single memory but it the happiest memory. Luckily, a name came with the memory.

"Karkat Vantas," I whispered repeating the memory over and over in my head. "Karkat Vantas," I said a little bit louder. "My boyfriend."

"It seems that you've remembered something," Rachel observed.

"It's not much," I admitted. "But it's so clear in my head it's like it happened yesterday."

"What is it?" Piper asked. "It may have some clues about where you've been and where Percy is."

"As I said it's not much but I remember that the sun was risin," I began. "And the black wash of stars above our heads was fadin away. There were more people there than Karkat, good people and good friends who survived. There was just so much feelin there that it was like jello in the air. We were all . . . free. Free of somethan. We survived somethang an' I have never been happier in my life than at that moment. I didn't realize it but I was cryin tears of joy. Everyone was. I looked over to Karkat who was smiling the biggest smile I have ever seen. He looked really happy with red tears fallin down his face and he was laughin. That was the first time I had ever heard him laugh. He caght me starin at him and he pulled my in for a kiss. His lips were chapped but I didn't care. It was the best kiss ever."

"Red tears?" Annabeth questioned the description.

"Karkat's not a human, I'm pretty sure about that," I informed her. "I think he's a mutant. Not completely sure."

"Anything else?" Mr. D asked.

"I don't know why but this seems important," I began to say. "I played a game once with my friends. A game called Sburb."


	2. Dave: A game called Sburb

Mr. D spit his diet coke on the table. "You played what?!" he asked outraged.

"Sburb," I answered a little shocked that Mr. D was upset over a little game.

Mr. D was silent for a moment before he announced, "I have to go and talk to Zeus." He then quickly disappeared in thin air leaving everyone there confused.

"What's Sburb?" Travis asked.

"A computer game," I answered. "Naw, not a computer game. It . . . it was more than a computer game, but a game none the less."

"Very specific," Annabeth groaned.

"Here," I grabbed a piece of paper and began to draw a familiar symbol of a house broken into five parts and a detached roof. "That was one of the Sburb symbol. The other one . . ."

I tried to figure out how to draw the other symbol until I looked down and realize that I was wearing it on a necklace. I held it up from under my shirt to show everyone it. "The other symbol was this. I though I'd lost this here necklace in lava or somethin but I'd guess not . . ." my voice dwindled off as I began to wonder what the hell I was doing near lava.

"Anything else you know about this game?" Frank asked me.

"A lot a people died in it," I answered. "I made new friends and lost old ones. It's not a fun game though, if ya can tell."

"Then why would you play it if it wasn't fun and people were going to die?" Katie asked confused.

"We didn't know that it would be a death sentence," I answered. "Me an' three other friends . . . uhg, fuck not havin a memory. Well, we played the game together. People died. Friends were made. Hearts broken. Sights seen that cannot be unseen-well, unless you have no memory of them. But at the end, the greatest prize of all. If I could remember it I would tell you."

"Do you remember anything about your parents?" Jason decided to ask a different question because we were getting no where with the game. "Because if you're here then you're probably a demigod."

"Demi-what?" I asked confused.

"The offspring of a god and a mortal," Annabeth explained. "Oh, and I seemed to have forgotten to mention that the Greek gods are real."

I looked around the room at the assembled demigods (most likely) and stated, "Pretty darn sure I've seen weirder thangs still."

"So what about your parents?" Jason restated.

"Pretty darn sure I have two," I answered. "An' they're both biological. So no room for a god or goddess in there."

"Then you must be able to see through the Mist," Rachel commented.

"Not even gonna asked 'cause I'm gonna be confused," I stated sitting back and huffing. "So what am I supposed to do in my free time here?"

"Well, first off we have to figure out where you came from, who took your memory, and why you are here, along with where Percy went," Chiron informed me.

"I'm at a camp with a climbin' wall that oozes lava," I answered. "Can't I have some fun first 'fore we git down to the serious stuff?" Annabeth smacked me in the back of the head and everyone gave me a somewhat angry stare. "I guess not."

"Well, capture the flag is today," Connor reminded everyone.

"Capture the flag," I said in my head. "As long as I can use a katanna to smack down opponents then I'm fine."

"We normally use weapons in capture the flag," Clarisse informed me.

"Cool," I said trying not to look excited but I failed.

"Alright, Annabeth if you could please give Dave a tour of the camp after we dismiss and take him down to the armory to get a weapon," Chiron asked Annabeth who didn't seem exactly happy with this task.

"I already got a weapon," I informed Chiron remembering Caledscratch.

"Really?" Chiron asked confused. "May I see it?"

"Sure," I agreed and I pulled it out of my Sylladex. Everyone gasped as I pulled a giant extending sword with an awesome clock in the hilt out of my Sylladex. "What? I the blade bent or somethan like that?"

"How did you do that?" Annabeth asked me.

"How did you get a sword like that!?" Leo asked me.

"Uh, I just pulled the sword outta my Sylladex," I answered Annabeth's question first. "Don't y'all have one?"

"No," Annabeth answered confused.

"Oh," I thought for a moment. "I just thought that a Sylladex was universal. I don't know how I got a Sylladex or this sword, but I do know that a Sylladex is a like a way of storing physical items electronically so you don't have to carry them around, a inventory system if you will. You have your Captchalogue Deck which you can fill with useless stuff but then ya have your Strife Deck which ya can use for fightin'. You can program your Sylladex with a Fetch Modi to make it easier to access and store. I use Hash map 2 which I got from . . . well who knows where. But it's easier than Hash Map 1."

"Cool," Leo just said.

"This technology seems almost futuristic," Piper commented.

"Naw," I laughed, because for some reason that just seemed funny in my mind. "If I was futuristic it would be branded with the Betty Crocker logo like a lil' doggie."

"Betty Crocker?" Will questioned the choice of Betty Crocker.

"It . . . just seems right," I answered. "Somethan in my mind is a'yellin at me that Betty Crocker's evil. Somethan to do with a' evil fish empress. Wow, I sound crazy. Ignore that last line please."

"Maybe if we see what else you have in your Sylladex we can figure more out about where you came from and will help jog your memory," Rachel said ignoring the previous comment as I had asked.

"Sure, uh," I began to pull items out of my Sylladex. "I have my Timetables, SBAHJifier, iShades, chalk, shitty swords, Turntop, headphones, some cans . . . the fuck is that?"

I asked the question as I pulled out what looked to be a rather crude puppet that was wrong on so many levels. Everyone looked at the stuff I had pulled out with wonder, Leo studying the technology closely, but I was more occupied with the plush puppet with a jutting ass and a dick-like nose in my hand.

"What is that?" Hazel asked confused at the puppet in my hand.

". . . I have no idea. I don't even know how this got in my Sylladex. The other shit I remember, but this . . ." I answered truthfully until the memory smacked me in the head. "FUCK!" I threw the smuppet up in the air and I fell backwards screaming like a little girl.

"Dave!" Annabeth said scolding my screaming and moved to pick up the smuppet.

"Don't touch the damn smuppet!" I said getting off the floor. "That damn thang and all its duplicates were scattered all over me and my Bro's apartment when I was a kid. Bro had a business selling the demon puppet . . . sex toys on his puppet smut site! Gog, he would set traps an' cover me with the shittin' puppets."

"Fun childhood," Travis commented.

"Bro? So was he your brother?" Annabeth asked me.

"He raised me," I began to think. "But naw, he's wasn't my brother. He acted like I was just a annoyin' little bro, but in reality I think he was my dad."

"You said you had two parents," Piper remembered.

"Yah," I answered. "M' mom was off a'raisin' my sister . . . I think we're twins," I tried to remember but I couldn't remember anything at the moment. Not the look of bro's face, the name of my sister, why Bro raised me as a little brother, or why I was raised apart from my sister.

"It seems that objects or words," Annabeth commented picking up the smuppet and throwing it in the trash. "Are helping jog your memory. Do any of these objects help you remember anything else?"

"Not at this moment," I said catching the SBAHJifier (what does SBAHJ stand for?) from floating away and put it back in my Sylladex. "But, some a' this stuff was probably put in my Sylladex to help me remember, or else the smuppet would be a'burnin' in hell."

"Who's ectoBiologist?" Leo asked wearing my iShades.

"A friend," I answered. "Everyone on that list-even the trolls-are friends."

"Can I try and contact them?" Leo asked.

"Go ahead," I answered starting to clean up the mess I had made by unloading my Sylladex.

"I can't get a connection," Leo answered.

"The camp doesn't have Wifi Leo," Piper reminded him. "Only in the Bronze room and Bunker 9."

"No, PesterChum should work even if ya don't have Wifi," I answered. "I don't remember how I know that though."

"Hhm, well can I go back to the Bunker and try to get it to work?" Leo then asked me.

"Go ahead," I replied.

"And we have a tour to get to," Annabeth reminded me.

"Right," I agreed with her and I followed her out of the room ready to see the camp.


	3. Dave: I meet Clifford's Hellish Cousin

"This is the fighting arena," Annabeth introduced me to the Roman-like Coliseum. "And that's Ms. O'Leary."

"Math teacher gone wild, then?" I asked Annabeth looking down into the arena.

"No, the 'math teacher gone wild' title belongs to Ms. Dodds," Annabeth laughed. "Ms. O'Leary has just always been this way."

"A giant black dog from hell?" I asked.

"Yep," Annabeth laughed.

"You seem to be handlin the absence of your boyfriend pretty darn well," I observed Annabeth as I watched the giant black dog frolic across the arena squeaking a life-sized rubber yak.

"It's happened before," Annabeth sighed. "Hera had switched him out with Jason to bring the Greek and Roman camps together. He was gone for six months."

"So this time the goddess of flamboyantly gay men have switched me and Percy out so we can brang Camp Half-Blood and wherever I'm from together?" I guessed.

"Yep," Annabeth answered. "Most likely."

"You're still takin this a little better than I might would have expected," I observed still.

"Well you're not helping by cracking jokes about how Hera is the goddess is the goddess of flamboyantly gay men-which she's not-and making jokes at every twist and turn no matter how crude they are," Annabeth reminded me.

"True," I nodded my head. "But don't yah miss him?"

"Yeah, I miss Percy," Annabeth answered. "Do you miss your boyfriend?"

"I don't remember much about him thanks to this goddess making me a flamboyantly gay amnesiac," I admitted. "But I do miss what I can remember of Karkat. I miss his loud voice, I miss his eyes, I miss his way of talking, I miss the little playful fights we would have arguing over actors and movies. I miss anything I can gladly remember."

"Hhm," Annabeth thought about this for a moment. "Come on. We're going down."

"Sure, only if you have any crack," I answered.

"No, down to the arena," Annabeth informed me.

"I knew that," I told her. "You need to test my skill?"

"Well, yes," Annabeth answered. "I already know you have skill by the way you held your sword and when you pulled your sword out went straight into a Japanese fighting stance."

"My Bro did teach me how to be a ninja because he was one," I informed her. "And he was a flamboyantly gay man so Hera has some connection to him, along with Elton John an' Jack from Will an' Grace."

"You really know nothing about Greek Mythology, do you?" Annabeth questioned me.

"No fuckin clue," I answered truthfully. "I did watch the Disney movie Hercules though."

"That's all wrong," Annabeth replied.

"Are you tellin' me that the muses were not sassy?" I asked.

"I don't know," Annabeth replied. "But Hera absolutely hated Hercules. She made him go mad and kill his wife and children; he then had to redeem himself by doing the ten labors."

"And Hades doesn't have blue flaming hair?" I asked sounding a bit disappointed.

"No," Annabeth laughed. "His hair is more greasy than fiery."

"Ew," I replied. "So does he look like Snape?"

Annabeth paused for a moment taking this into consideration before answering, "Yes, just scarier."

"I never want to meet Hades," I answered as we finally made it down to the bottom of the arena.

"So, draw your sword," Annabeth instructed me as she pulled out a robot for me to fight.

"Why am I fighting a robot?" I asked as I pulled out Caledscratch.

"Because," Annabeth replied. "It's an automaton. Now, just fight it."

It wasn't much of a fight. The automaton and I seriously just ran at each and I sliced the thing in half.

"This is stupid," I replied. "I just cut the thing in half. I thought I was supposed to be testing my mangrit."

"First off," Annabeth began. "The automaton was supposed to be unbreakable and yet you just sliced through it like it was cheese. That means that your sword is impossibly strong and sharp."

"And?" I continued on.

"And you've stopped talking with a Texan accent," Annabeth pointed out.

"Really?" I asked her and as I began to talk, I realized that I was talking with what one could call a 'normal' accent. "Oh. No idea how that happened. Can we just move onto something else where I can test my mangrit?"

"Mangrit?" Annabeth questioned me.

"Mangrit," I replied.

"Alright," Annabeth stood and thought for a moment. "I want the Hephaestus kids to see your sword since it's nothing like I've ever seen and I don't want you messing up anymore automatons."

"Okay," I replied. "So what?"

"I'll be right back," Annabeth informed me as she ran off to do something.

I huffed feeling a little left behind as Mrs. O'Leary came over and licked my face. She had dropped the toy yak off somewhere else and dropped a shield at my feet.

Putting my sword away I got up and threw the shield like a Frisbee, the thing that she possibly wanted me to do.

Luckily, I did the right thing and Mrs. O'Leary ran after it like a crazy train. She caught it and brought it back to me. I threw it a gain. Mrs. O'Leary chased it and brought it back to my feet. It went on like this for gog knows who long Annabeth was gone.

When Annabeth finally came back, she had Jason Grace at her heels. Mrs. O'Leary waited for me to continue the game, but I was too busy trying to figure out why Annabeth had brought Jason with her. It should have been pretty clear though.

"Dave," Annabeth began. "You're going to fight Jason."


	4. Annabeth: Dave intensely raps

It was quiet a logical decision to get Jason to fight Dave. Or at least I think so. Dave was a pretty powerful guy, and you could just tell by standing in his presence. Jason was the second most powerful demigod, because the first one had disappeared. Again.

This time Percy's disappearance felt different for me. Yes, it was as much a surprised that he suddenly disappeared and I am trying not become an emotion wreck again. It's just that this time I know how to deal with it, though I would be a little bit more depressing if Dave wasn't trying to convince everyone that Hera was the goddess of flamboyantly gay men (that was one of the best insults about Hera I have ever heard and it wasn't even intentional).

So anyways, I dragged Jason to the arena to fight Dave because I myself did not want to fight him. I was leading the blue team in capture the flag and Jason was leading the red so he may as well get a little beat up before the game while I see what Dave is truly made of.

"Dave," I announced once I got Dave and Jason in the same place. "You're going to fight Jason."

"What?" Jason asked. "You brought me here to fight him?"

"Bring it," Dave just said.

"I'm not fighting a mortal," Jason argued.

"Oh you wanna be that way then I'm not fighting a bastard son of Zeus," Dave started. "Because I'm pretty sure Zeus is married to the goddess of flamboyantly gay men. Wait, didn't Zeus once get it on with a cow or something? Or was he a cow then he got it on with someone. Wait, I don't want to know. Bestiality and shit is gross."

After Dave's short monologue Jason just looked at me like this was the reason why he didn't want to fight Dave, insulting his father, Hera, and probably many gods in the future.

"Just do it," Annabeth commanded Jason. "I want to find out how much he knows about fighting."

"Alright," Jason sighed. He pulled out his sword and turned to Dave, "Let's make this nice and quick, alright?"

"You sound like you don't like me," Dave scoffed pretending to offended. "But sure. Prepare to get served like a dude on butler island."

I sat back and watched to see who would try to strike first. The sky began to thunder and Jason tried to advance on Dave, by Dave jumped out of the way. And by jump I mean that he jumped like eight feet in the air before landing right behind Jason. Jason spun around and tried to swing at Dave, but Dave blocked it easily. Dave looked Jason in the eyes before jumping back and standing up not looking Jason in the eyes. Dave had a taunting look about his body manor adverting his eyes to the ground and slowly lifting his free hand to beckoned Jason to him. Then, he began to rap.

"Is that all you got Grace?

Then you might want to brace.

The Strider storm is coming your way

And we don't give no time of day

You are gonna be served cold

So get ready to behold

The dirt you'll find in your face

When you hit the ground in disgrace

Turn about turn around

The Strider show is in town.

So let the alarms sound

And give the king his crown

You're nothing too big

Just a bastard son of a sky king

Show you startin' a renege

Just get a taste of my sword's sting

I'm the knight of time

It's my time to rhyme

I'm in my prime

Don't commit no crime

Just have to climb

Spent out on a dime

Cuze a dime's all your worth

Just wait till you see my girth

See Davesprite's fiery rebirth

Just taste the earth

My rhymes go worldwide

And you can't hide

We're at a national divide

Created by an evil pride

But I don't need to abide

Cuze I have time on my side"

It was curious to watch Dave rap as he watched Jason, it was almost like it was a chant that kept him going and gave him power. Even with Jason trying to distract Dave with lightning, thunder, and whirlwinds, Dave continued to fight. He defied gravity by jumping eight feet straight in the air, or jumping off of the walls of the arena like he was Spiderman. He not only used his sword but even kicked Jason in the face a few times.

Even though Dave was a fighting machine, there was something dark happening as he continued to rap. The raps seemed to get darker and deeper into his memories, and I had no idea if Dave even knew what he was saying or recognized what he was saying.

"For this power I had to die

Become a god but don't get no Versailles

Play the game where life is just a driveby

Death's just another guy to defy

Watch the time see a lot people say goodbye

On the top of the world we thought we were so high

But nothing could prepare for the worst

To win we got kicked down in the dirt

And all we get is cursed

To keep these memories that hurt

Haunt out dreams at night

Where we loose without even a fight

The deaths we couldn't save

The friends that lay in their grave

People we could've forgave

But a second is what we crave

This game has taken us enslaved

And even broken the brave

I'm no hero and will never be

Won't every overcome the powerful seas

All could be destroyed by Condie

Where she controls oversea

The Felt's stealing my mind

Taking my time to bind

Leaving her blind

Hope she could find

But she was left behind

Her heart is broken by love and hate

In the end all she was is bait

For the broken friendships that lay aside

By a friendship that in the end was denied."

Dave was heavily getting into the rap and I was tempted to end it because they were getting darker and darker as we traveled through Dave's subconscious. In the end, it was not me that stopped the battle, but Dave himself. Well, not this Dave.

Dave was continuing to fight Jason when suddenly a second Dave came up from behind Jason and tripped him up. Dave stopped his chant to look up at the second Dave not looking surprised.

"Dude, lay up on raps," second Dave informed the first Dave. "You don't even know what you're talking about. Yet."

"Alright," Dave replied to himself. "Thanks dude."

"No problem bro," the second Dave said before a red cog symbol appeared below his feet and travel upwards taking the second Dave back to wherever.

"What," Jason began. "Just happened."

"My future self just tripped you up and stopped me from intensely rapping about my feelings and other things," Dave calmly informed Jason.

"Your future self?" I asked confused walking over to Dave and Jason. "And what were you even rapping about?"

"No fucking clue," Dave replied to the second question.

"So nothing about that one blind girl or the game that you remember?" Jason asked.

"The game I was talking about is Sburb," Dave answered. "I think that was an old rap I made a while back when I was alone. Well, not the Jason-taunting part of the rap. The Jason-taunting part of the rap I just came up with."

"Thanks, real genius," Jason answered sarcastically.

"But everything else, I don't know," Dave finished up his answer.

"So, then what about your future self?" I then asked.

"Myself from the future. He-or I-came back for one reason or another. I don't know," Dave answered.

"So you can time travel?" Jason stood up.

"Yes," Dave replied.

I looked between Jason and Dave before stating, "Dave, you need to see Chiron."


	5. Annabeth: A conversation of Time

"Hhm," Chiron thought for a second after hearing the whole story from me. Dave was doodling on a notebook he asked for. The page was covered in couplets, doodles of badly drawn people, and doodles of dicks. He didn't seem to be paying attention, but then again I didn't know anything about Dave.

"Time travel?" Chiron questioned before he admitted, "Strange."

"Can I still play capture the flag?" Dave asked.

"Yes," Chiron informed Dave. "But still, I have never come across anyone who controls time other than my own father."

"Who's your father?" Dave then asked.

"Kronos, Titan of Time," Chiron informed Dave.

"More bestiality, gross," Dave said before going back to doodling.

"So are you saying that Dave is a spawn of a Titan?" I asked.

"No," Chiron replied. "But it is strange, for all Kronos could do was slow and speed time, not travel through it."

"I can do that too," Dave answered. "But my specialty is time travel and the mastery of the time lines. I have a pretty cool friend who can stop and start time, freeze time for people, all that cool stuff. Also, whenever you say Titan I keep on thinking about that one anime called Attack on Titan with the Colossal Titan looking over the wall. Yeah, I keep on thinking as Kronos with a really creepy smile, no genitals, likes to eat humans for fun. Thanks for getting that image of your creepy dad who likes bestiality stuck in my head dude."

Chiron paused for a moment for once, having no idea how to reply to that, but moved on.

"For once, we are going to need Mr. D's help with this," Chiron sighed. "And I do not know when he will be returning. It may be days before we even heard of him."

"I'm back," Mr. D walked into the room drinking some coke. "So what happened now?"

"Dave can time travel," I informed Mr. D.

Mr. D took a moment to let that sink in as he observed Dave doodle on his notepad before saying anything.

"Why are you drawing dicks?" Mr. D asked.

"Because," Dave looked up at Mr. D. "Every guy has an unnecessary compulsion to draw the thing that marks his manhood on everything his owns. It's like a guy's version of saying that this shit belongs to me. I have manhood. Look at my manhood. Also, since I'm a bisexual I'm just saying that I like this shit."

Mr. D looked at Dave confused for a moment before saying, "Oh. So that's why some of the camp property is covered in dicks."

"Yep," Dave agreed. "Though I haven't drawn any. In permanate marker. Yet."

Mr. D paused for a moment before saying, "I like you Dale Stretcher. So what were we talking about?"

I tried to get over my shock of Dave explaining why I keep on finding dicks drawn on some blueprints hanging in my cabin and Mr. D saying that he actually likes Dave before I went back to the present subjects.

"Dave can time travel," I repeated.

Mr. D took a long sip from his coke before asking, "A time player, right? And what did you say? Knight. Ah yes, Knight of Time. Very good."

"What do you mean by that?" Chiron asked.

"Top secret information Chiron," Mr. D replied. "Kinda like the Romans. Let me talk to Dave alone, alright?"

Chiron thought for a moment looking between Dave, who was still doodling dicks, and Mr. D who really shouldn't be left alone with a camper even if he claimed that he liked said camper. Chiron finally gave in because he knew that he could not defy the god of wine.

"Alright Mr. D, have it your way," Chiron sighed and began to walk out of the room.

"What are you two going to talk about?" I asked.

"Annabelle," Mr. D began. "This conversation concerns a certain game Dare over here has played and an age-old secret. Not for your ears."

I sighed and Walked out of the room after Chiron, knowing that I could not defy the wine god myself, or he would turn me into a dolphin. Mr. D closed the door after I left and I waited outside the door.

"So you have no clue about what they are talking about?" I checked in with Chiron.

"No, I have no idea what significance the game Dave played," Chiron replied. "Sburb. Or what the Knight of Time means. It is all a mystery to me."

"Do you think you have a clue about where Dave came from and where Percy is?" I then asked Chiron.

"No," Chiron sighed sitting into his wheelchair. "For once in all my many years, I am completely lost."

We then sat in silence trying to find a hidden clue before Mr. D reopened the door and Dave left the room.

"Everything is okay," Mr. D said. "Time travel is a normal thing and Davy will be on Annie's team for capture the flag. He's also a god. Good day."

Mr. D then closed the door to brood leaving Dave standing in the middle of the room with a notepad and a book.

"What were you talking about?" I asked confused about what Mr. D had said.

"Sburb," Dave answered. "He kinda cleared some things up for me. I'm a god and everything."

"How?" Chiron asked. Dave looked like a normal person.

"I died. On a quest bed," Dave answered. "I think so. I kinda remember and Mr. D just filled in the holes in the story. It's kinda like the rap. I died for this power. I died to become a god."

"This makes no sense," I sighed.

"Well you haven't played Sburb, Mr. D can't squeal, and I remember barely fucking anything," Dave answered. "However, I can tell you whatever Mr. D told me because apparently the gods can't touch me because I'm a god. It's weird, but in the end it makes sense if you think about it. I'm a god of a world and if they do something to me my world will be fucked up."

"Just tell us," Chiron urged Dave.

"Well, here's the shit," Dave began. "I don't like being cryptic so I'll just tell you all the serious shit straight up. If you want to be a god, you have to die. That's the first big things. Mr. D, Hera, Zeus and all those other gods played Sburb once. They lived on a normal Earth once too. They downloaded Sburb, played the game, died, and became gods of this universe. Hades and Hestia didn't get god tier until they reach their new universe so that's why they aren't apart of the big twelve. The prize for playing Sburb is a universe. Kronos was their game's cancer and Gaea was their big bad boss with the Titans and Giants being like apart of their gangs. So that's how the gods became gods."

"That still makes no sense," I sighed as I slumped in a chair.

"Hhm, it may not make sense now, but in the end it may," Chiron decided. "But, it is time to get the capture the flag game started. Care to join me?"

"Yes! I've been waiting for this shit since I found out about it," Dave exclaimed.

Chiron smiled at Dave's hidden enthusiasm and declared, "Well then let's go."


	6. Annabeth: Let's play a game

I walked to the forest after grabbing some armor, and somehow I lost Dave on the way. My only guess is that he was following Chiron to get some armor. Anyway, all the campers were flocking to the forest and sorting themselves into their teams. I led the blue team as Jason led the red team.

Jason, Piper and Leo had struck up a sort of unholy alliance and banded the Aphrodite and Hephaestus Cabin together along with Jason. They had also managed to get the Ares, Nemesis, Dionysus, Hebe, Hecate and Hades Cabin strung in with them so they were a powerful force. I one the other hand had the Athena Cabin, the Poseidon Cabin which consisted of Tyson and Percy, Apollo, Hermes, Demeter, Iris, Hypnos, Nike, and Tyche. We had good fighters and the children of the goddess of victory on our side, but Percy always seemed able to pull it through for us in the end. Without Percy here, I would say that my luck goes to the red team, but this time we have Dave.

It was Dave's first time playing Capture the Flag but he would be good anyway. It's an easy game to learn and the Blue Team needed him. After watching Dave fight Jason earlier I learned a couple things. One, he was a little bit messed up but that's okay because what demigod hasn't gotten rattled around in the head from all of the nightmare and the torture of monster. Second, Dave was an amazing rapper. Seriously. He'd put Apollo to shame. Third, Dave was an amazing fighter. Jason couldn't lay a finger on him as they fought while Dave laid multiple blows on Jason. Finally, Dave could control time. Maybe his future self could come back and save Dave from being tagged. I don't the extent of Dave's time travel but at the moment he was the most powerful being in camp right under Mr. D. I knew that we were going to win this. I just had to find Dave.

I looked around the assembled masses of the blue team looking for Dave. Even though I thought he had followed Chiron, I now had no idea where he was. He should have joined the blue team, and hopefully he didn't accidentally mingle with the red team. I was about to go and find Chiron when I hard Dave' monotone voice behind me.

"Sup," Dave greeted me after he snuck up on me. He wasn't wearing any armor but instead had his sword out.

"Don't you have armor?" I asked him.

"Don't need it," Dave answered. "I could wear a suit though. But not armor. Too clunky. I need to be able to move freely and feel the wind beneath my wings."

"Alright," I sighed deciding not to deal with any of Dave's bullshit. "So you know the rules of capture the flag?"

"Yep," Dave answered. "Don't get tagged, bash heads, grab the flag, run back to your side."

"Good," I began to tell Dave what to do. "Now just follow me. If you get the flag, then run."

"Cool," Dave agreed with those plans. "So do I have to stick right behind you like some clingy child who sticks to his mother or can I like have some distance."

"What distance were you thinking?" I then asked.

"Not actually distance," Dave tried to rephrase it. "But how about a height difference. I'll be the Hawkeye of the operation and you're Black Widow."

I thought for a moment thinking about the sexual tension between Black Widow and Hawkeye in the Avenger's movie before Dave stated, "Hawkeye actually got married to Mockingbird in the comics. Captain America actually scored Black Widow in the Ultimate storyline."

"Alright," I agreed to that.

"I'm gonna go and hide in the trees," Dave stated before disappearing into the crowd. As the game was beginning to start, I stayed near the back of the group because everyone knew what they were doing. I just wanted to be able to sneak into enemy territory and find the flag. Dave could then run it back.

I heard the horn and teams crashed, people began to fight and I was able to sneak through the lines to search through the red team's territory.

I knew the forest like the back of my hand, but it was just a question of where they hid it. It was strangely calm in the forest where I was sneaking, and only every so often could I hear the rustle of branches above me. It was quiet minus the sounds of the sword clashing, until I heard a caw.

"Caw, caw-caw," I heard the sound. It was pretty close to a bird, but had a human hint to it. I looked up and saw that Dave was standing above my head on a branch. He pointed ahead most likely as a warning that someone or some people were approaching. He then pointed in a different direction, off to the left toward the shore. I nodded to let him know that I received the directions and went the way Dave told me. However, I wanted to see the troops coming so I put my invisibility hat on and waited behind a tree to see what was headed my way.

Frank with two other members of the red team, both from the Ares Cabin, walked down the path. They were in the middle of a conversation as they patrolled the area or were headed over to my side.

"Why is Jason sending us this way?" one of the Ares kids asked Frank.

"Because no one is guarding over here minus Piper, Leo and Nico," Frank answered. "And they're at the flag. He just wants to make sure that everything in order."

That was all needed to know that the flag was in this area. They probably weren't even going to say where the flag was so I waited for them to pass by so I could remove my hat so Dave could see me. As they passed, I looked up to see that Dave was staring directly at me as if he could see me. He then made a shooing motion with his hands like he was telling me to go. I had no idea how he could see me, but I took this as an opportunity to just walk around in my invisibility hat with Dave following me.

I walked in the direction Dave pointed me to and sure enough I came upon Piper, Leo and Nico all guarding the flag. It was unfair odds at the moment, but I figured that all I needed to do was distract them so Dave could grab the flag and run back.

I walked into the small clearing and saw their red flag. I looked around for Dave but he was nowhere to be seen, probably already getting into position. I put my trust in Dave, and I took off my hat.

"Hey Annabeth," Leo greeted me as he, Piper and Nico turned to me.

"Hello," I replied.

"Well, let's get this over with," Nico said in his monotonous voice. Five skeletons appeared around him to help with the battle, Leo's hands lit on fire and Piper pulled out her dagger.

"Three on one is really bad odds," Piper said before adding. "Sorry."

They all advanced at once. As Piper had said, three on one were really bad odds, not counting Nico's five skeletons. However, there had been worst odds.

It was a balancing act to dodge Leo's fire balls, the sharp edges of weapons, and the skeletons. But it was manageable. I just had to hold as long as it took for Dave grabbed the flag. However, I had no idea if he had grabbed the flag because I was too busy trying not to get caught. But in the end, Piper was able to grab my wrist, which ultimately meant that I was going to jail.

"Wow," Leo paused for a moment to think. "Is this the first time you've gotten captured?"

"Yeah," I answered.

"Why did you come alone?" Piper then asked.

I looked over where the red team flag once was, "I didn't come alone."

"What do you mean by that?" Leo asked. Nico already walked over to the site where the flag once was a picked up a piece of paper left behind by Dave.

"Wha?" Leo asked mouth gapping open wondering how the stealing of the flag slipped by him.

"What does the note say?" Piper asked.

"It says 'I. O. U. one flag and interest paid in dick doodles, Dave Strider'," Nico read out loud. "And then there's a rude caricature of Leo doing something to a skeleton."

"What?" Leo then asked taking the piece of paper out of Nico's hand. His face scrunched up as he looked at the note, most likely the rude caricature, before stating, "Now that, is just not cool."


	7. Jason: Winner to Loser

This game of capture the flag was actually finally my chance to win.

Now, I missed Percy as a friend. He was a really cool dude and we were close bros. Him disappearing again just sucked because it was unexpected, no prophecy or anything, and we didn't know who was behind it or where he was. It also sucked because instead of Percy, we got Dave.

I've only known Dave for less than half a day but he just gets on my nerves. I don't like his raps, his jokes are too offensive, his Texan accent annoyed me (but now he is strangely speaking with a normal accent), and I can't stand how he doesn't take anything seriously. I don't like Dave, and I can tell that he doesn't like me.

Anyway, this game of capture the flag was my chance to win without Percy here. Percy and Annabeth had always been the dynamic duo. They were a well-worked machine that could run forever as long as they were there for each other. But since Percy is missing again, the machine can't function. That meant that I could win. It was a cynical way of looking at things, but I haven't won a game of capture the flag yet and the subject's been getting kinda sour with me.

So, there I was at that moment, running back to the north side of the forest with the flag in my hand, about to claim victory. I was sweating hard because I had layers of armor on and I was sprinting. I finally made it to the edge of the forest at the creek about to claim victory, but standing on his side of the forest was Dave Strider with my team's flag wrapped around his neck like a cape. He was wearing my flag as a cape.

"Do I look good Grace?" Dave asked me as I slowed my pace and walked up to him. He had no tone in his voice, but yet it felt like what he said to me was very mocking.

"Dave refused to let me end the game until he saw you running up," Chiron stated with Mr. D standing right next to him. "And then Mr. D insisted that I listened to Dave."

"Your face was funny," Mr. D informed Jason. "When you saw that you've been defeated again."

"Picture-perfect moment that will be imprinted on my lack of memory forever," Dave added. Piper, Leo, Nico, Frank and Annabeth soon joined them at the clearing.

"So you did win," Frank said. "Again."

"That was a very rude drawing Dave," Leo informed Dave. "I will cherish it forever."

"Thanks, good to know," Dave replied.

"And I like your cape," Leo then added.

"Can I keep it?" Dave asked Chiron.

"Sure," Mr. D replied but the question wasn't for him. I began to get a sense that Mr. D was favoring Dave over every other camper for one reason or another. Actually, this was the first time I had seen or heard Mr. D favoring a camper. And Dave wasn't even a demigod.

"Until the next game," Chiron added.

"Cool," Dave said just walking off before asking. "So what now? Do I get a party or something?"

"Sadly no," Chiron informed Dave.

"Aw," Mr. D sighed. "A party would have been nice."

"You know, we could have a rave party, bust out the glow sticks, flashing lights, bang out to awesome music. Yeah. That would be fucking cool. I tried to organize this rave party once but there were only like eight people including myself."

"Why?" I then asked.

"Because everyone else was dead, and no one wanted to socialize with this one guy. I think he was hiding in the vents. And I also think that he was a clown," Dave stated pausing to think for a moment.

At that moment, a satyr came into the forest with a large box with an address. He paused and informed Chiron, "This box is for Dave Strider."

"Cool and cape and now a package for me? Awesome," Dave stated taking the box out of the satyr's hands.

"How could you have a package sent to you after only being at camp for a couple of hours?" Annabeth asked watching as Dave slit the box open with his sword. Inside was a large ram's skull with large curling horns.

"Annabeth, I think the more important question is why anyone would send someone a ram skull," Leo told Annabeth.

Dave wasn't caring about why someone would send him this or how someone sent him this before anyone even knew he was at Camp. He was more preoccupied with putting the skull on his head.

"Look, I'm that one guy who rips out people's hearts from Indiana Jones," Dave stated before walking over to me and nudging the skull into my shoulders like he was ramming me. "Ram-a-lama-ding-dong."

I was about to kick Dave in the shins but I noticed something painted on the skull of the ram. I then decided to ask, "What is that painted on the skull?"

Dave removed the skull from his head to get a good look at it. He thought for a moment before stating, "It's the Aries sign. You know, like in the zodiac? I had a friend who was an Aries. She was an archeologist and she liked dead shit too."

"Dead shit?" Piper questioned.

"Yeah. We both collected dead things," I replied. "I had this whole awesome collection of dead things. And now, I have a fucking ram's skull. That is fucking awesome. Aradia's going to be so jealous."

"Her name's Aradia?" Nico asked catching on the name.

Dave looked up surprised that he just spit random information out before continuing on, "Yeah, Aradia. She was another time player. We were like best platonic pals. And uh . . . that's really all I can remember. But who cares I've got a ram's skull!"


	8. Jason: Dave International Man of Mystery

After the game, it was time to eat. In the mess hall, the Seven plus Nico had their own table. It was like a reward for saving the world. We all had our own seat but this time, Dave sat in Percy's seat.

With Dave there, it kinda felt awkward, mostly because he just kinda sat down because he didn't know where else to go. He was still wearing the cape and had placed the ram's skull in the middle of the table. He didn't seem too surprised by the magical food, but he was pretty happy with endless supply of apple juice.

Dave was on his fourth cup of apple juice (man he was going to have to go later) when we actually got food. Everyone at the table but Dave stood up to offer some to the gods.

"Yo, where are you guys going? Is it the skull? Do you guys not like me?" Dave questioned as campers started to walk up.

"No, we're just offering some of our meal to the gods," Hazel explained.

"Oh," Dave thought for a second. "Make sure you give some to me. And Mr. D too. He seems unloved. He's actually a pretty cool dude."

Annabeth rolled her eyes as we went up, presented the offering and came back to start eating. Dave was already eating his meal which consisted of a large hamburger and Doritos along with his unnatural obsession of apple juice. His sleeves were rolled up so you could see what looked like the fringes of a wings inked on his elbows. I was about to ask that but Annabeth asked a question first.

"Dave, how did you see though my invisibility hat?" Annabeth asked.

"Your what?" Dave asked with a mouthful, some of the half-chewed hamburger flying onto the ram's skull.

"My Yankee's cap," Annabeth elaborated.

"The thing you put on during the game?" Dave asked. "Yeah, I thought that that was pretty fucking weird. You just putting on a hat and standing in the open while no one around you could notice you. To answer the question I have no fucking idea. Striders have good eyesight, but not that good."

"You could see through the invisibility hat?" Piper asked.

"I see dead people too," Dave replied as a joke and a pop culture reference but Hazel took it differently.

"Wait so you can see actually see ghosts?" Hazel asked.

"Right now? No," Dave answered wiping some hamburger off his lip with his wrist, showing off the strange orange feather on his elbow. "But, I can faintly recall meeting some ghosts. They had white eyes and looked normal other wise. I don't know how though. Still, I really feel like I know nothing now."

"What's that on your elbow?" I finally got to ask.

"Which one?" Dave tried to look at his elbows, but only showed off that his elbows had the same feather ink on it.

"Is that a tattoo?" Leo asked.

"Let's find out," Dave replied before getting up and taking off his shirt without any warning. Hazel shielded her eyes and many campers looked over with confusion. Dave turned around with his back to the seven to reveal that he had a large tattoo of orange wings on his back stretched across hi shoulder blades and down his arms.

"Cool," Leo said.

"You're too young to have a tattoo," Annabeth noted.

"But Hazel, Frank and Jason have one," Dave protested.

"These were burned into our skin," Frank informed Dave. "Upon joining the roman military."

"So there are now not just Greeks, but Romans?" Dave asked. "Sounds bloody"

"It was," I replied.

"I think my favorite roman emperor is Caligula," Dave stated sitting back down, not bothering to put his shirt back on, but he tied the cape around his neck again. "Mostly because he was crazy and he made a horse the roman equivalent of the president. And that horse had a mansion."

"So you know nothing about mythology," Piper began. "But you know Roman Emperors?"

"Yes," Dave answered. "Well just Caligula. I think I learned that because my Bro liked horses. And I think that he made me a baby bid out of horse leather."

Hazel spit her drink out and cried, "Why would he do that?"

"Well the horse was kill in a Meteor crash," Dave replied.

"Was your brother slash dad crazy?" I asked.

"A porn artist yes," Dave began and Hazel had another disgusted look on her face. "A ninja who trained me by strifing me on the roof. Had hidden cameras all around the apartment. Smuppets. So yes. You could classify him as crazy."

"Are you remembering more stuff?" Annabeth asked.

"Yeah, just talking about it," Dave replied.

The dinner conversation seemed to end there. Soon, I was sitting in Bunker 9 talking to Leo about someone, Dave to be exact.

It was a feeling that I couldn't explain, that from the first moment I laid eyes on Dave, something inside me snapped as though all the hatred I had was aimed at him. I hated Dave even more than Octavian.

When I told Leo this, he just laughed at me.

"You're just jealous," Leo laughed as he messed around with a new invention. "A new blond-haired and most likely blue-eyed coolkid walks into camp without a memory? Jealousy."

"No," I replied.

"Please, and he's funny and the supreme swordsman, so I can see why you're jealous," Leo continued on. "Seriously, he's one of the funniest kids I've ever met-excluding myself. And he defeated you in the capture the flag game. He has a kickass back tattoo. You are totally jealous because Dave is totally awesome."

"I am not!" I continued to protest. "He's an asshole who insults the gods, he knows nothing, and his ego is as big as Olympus. Did you hear him at the offering? He said to offer some to him. He's also dangerously powerful. Leo, he can time travel. _Time travel._ The only other person who can do that is Kronos! Do you not smell something fishy?"

"I can't smell anything over the smell of jealousy," Leo declared.

I grumbled and sat down, finally declaring my final opinion, "I do not like Dave."


	9. Dave: I almost have a normal day

You know, I've heard stories about how kids have sat around for a long time before they have to go and do something when they get to camp. Like take Percy Jackson for example. I was chatting with his best friend Grover today and apparently it was weeks before Percy was 'claimed' and sent on a 'quest'. You know, very advanced camp vernacular.

So it was my first full day at camp and nothing really happened. I hung out with Grover who gave me the complete tour, I got to watch some of the camp activities, eat and at the end of the day it was time for the campfire.

Ah yes campfires, it was the time of day where we all gathered around the campfire to sing our campfire song song. However, I was greatly disappointed when I found out that we did not actually sing the Campfire Song Song but instead sang crappy Greek Myth renditions of already crappy songs. And I really think that basically only the Apollo kids joined in and everyone just sat there and watched shit burn.

Well, that's what I was doing. As crappy music filled the air I leaned back and drew dicks as I watched the fire burn. I was sitting in the front near Chiron, Mr. D and Rachel. I also got to hang out with Rachel today and she was pretty cool. She was an artist, a mortal, and sometimes randomly spewed green smokes and told life-threatening prophecies.

So over all a really cool chick.

So I was drawing doodles until the singing ended and it came for the end of the day summary.

"So now ends another day at camp," Chiron began. "In the past two days, we have gained a camper, Dave Strider. As you all know, Percy Jackson is missing and has been replaced with Dave."

"So now what?" a girl named Drew asked. "Are we going to look for Percy or are we going to just let Dave stand here in his place?"

I turned around, looked at the girl who spoke and informed her, "But I'm sitting."

"Why is Dave here?" another camper asked.

Thankfully, Rachel had the answer.

Sadly, the answer was done in rhymes.

Rachel stood up in a rigid body posture as green smoke tumbled around here and she spoke in a voice that was definitely not her own.

_"The Knight of Time travels with wisdom and storm_

_A quest for the White Queen's lost ring they must perform_

_Watch out for the Hound of Derse back_

_The feared servant of the Black Queen Jack"_

Rachel then fell back into the chair and everyone looked at me flabbergasted,

"Those couplets fucking sucked," I just said trying to cool down the reaction to the prophecy but no one said anything.

"This is the first time a mortal every received a prophecy," Chiron observed.

"Well, I've been trying to tell you-and the boy agrees-he's no mortal!" Mr. D informed Chiron.

"So what does it mean?" a camper asked. Annabeth looked like she was about to talk but I cut in for her.

"It means that Annabeth and Jason have to come with me to find the White Queen's ring which enables any carapace who wears it to have the power of the four prototyped sprites if we're talking about the human's Beta sprites because if it's the troll's we're screwed because they had twelve while the humans only had four. We have to find Jack Noir, the Black Queen's agent and the guy she hate-screws. He stole the ring from the Black Queen and now he's a giant dog-crow-cat-jester-squid-princess-invincible thing. Don't ask me anything else because I have no fucking idea what the hell a sprite is, or who the Black and White Queen are, or what is a carapace, or why Jack Noir is so powerful. But I do know why the Black Queen and Jack Noir are hate-fucking each other; it's because they fucking hate each! Yep, bad pun but I am sure about one more thing. I killed Jack once already. And it's going to be fucking impossible to kill him again."

"Jack Noir?" Piper asked me. "Noir is French for black so you're talking about a monster named-"

"Jack Black? No, it's Jack Noir. And it's not a joking matter," I began after hearing some campers giggle. "He killed a lot of people. He killed my Bro, my sister's mom, and my friend's dad all in cold blood-along with killing thousands of more. He merciless and bloodthirsty. He's a cancer. And it's a cancer almost impossible to stop."

Everyone looked at me with grave eyes but I couldn't do anything about the truth. There was no more information to be given. Annabeth placed a hand on my shoulder to comfort me.

"Do you have any idea where the ring is?" Jason asked me.

I closed my eyes and racked my brains but nothing came to mind. I was close, a memory away, but nothing came up.

"No," I answered.

"So we have a quest without a destination," Annabeth sighed realizing how hard this would be. "Quests always have destinations, so why is this one different?"

"Maybe because the ring is not on this Earth," Rachel answered regaining conscience.

"This Earth?" Frank asked confused.

"It's somewhere else out there," Rachel said looking up in the sky. "Somewhere."

"Somewhere where I've been," I added looking up. I recognized the symbols of the zodiac printed out into the night sky, but there seemed to be stars missing, like they were not my stars. "Or else I wouldn't have gotten this quest."

I looked back at the crowd and stated, "We'll need transportation. I don't know why but I'm thinking a giant battleship. You guys probably wouldn't have any because I'm talking about a giant flying battleship-"

"We actually do," Leo said wondering how I guessed that. "But I'm the only one who knows how to fly it."

I thought for a moment, "Well, since this is an informal quest-I'm guessing again-because I'm not a demigod or a legacy of one, then I could use a crew."

"It doesn't say that in the prophecy," Chiron informed me.

"Well, I may have killed Jack Noir but I didn't do it without a little help from my friends," I replied. "At least seven friends were behind me. And I heard from a little bird that a crew of seven once worked together in a famous prophecy."

The seven demigods who played a crucial role in the previous Great Prophecy smiled at each other (expect Nico, he doesn't smile) and seemed happy to be back together even though Percy wasn't with them.

"Frank, Piper, Leo, Hazel, Nico, I request your help on this quest," I asked them formally.

"Sure," Frank said and everyone else nodded their heads-even Nico surprisingly.

"We embark in the morning," I stated.

"But we have no idea where we are going," Frank reminded me.

I paused for a moment, "I have a good feeling for where we should start."

"Where?" Leo asked.

I looked around the campers surrounding me and stated, "21605 Fir Drive, Maple Valley, Washington."


	10. Annabeth: I'm visited by Dave

Getting a quest right out of the blue was not fun to prepare for. First off, this prophecy was very vague about where we need to go. It was very straight forward though about one thing-get the White Queen's ring and avoid Jack Noir. It was clear that the prophecy said that we had to watch from Jack Noir and avoid him is possible, but Dave seemed to have convinced himself that we need to kill him. Other than that, everything was confusing and the only person who could understand it all was an amnesiac.

Also, I didn't like the idea of the ring we needed to get not being on Earth. Where else would it be? Dave looked like he knew, but no name or picture came up. And the address Dave gave us? How did he know it down to the house? What is so important about 21605 Fir Drive, Maple Valley, Washington? Questions trapped me like a coffin and the problem was burying me alive with a slim chance of surviving.

Questions without answers plagued me as I did my best to prepare for this quest-but I didn't know what I needed. I was about to go to Dave when he came to me.

"Yo Annabeth," Dave said sneaking up on me . . . again.

"Why are you always coming to me?" I decided to answer a plaguing question and get it answered and out of the way.

"Because you remind me of someone I trust," Dave answered.

"Aren't there other people you trust?" I asked.

"No," Dave scoffed. "I hate Jason, Piper can tell me to do anything and then I will do it, Leo's a little fireball and a little too energetic, Hazel's clueless about modern times, Nico's Goth, Frank is . . . well Frank, Chiron's part horse, Mr. D looks like he's drunk most of the time, and the only person I was beginning to trust just told me that I had to go up against the monster that killed my Bro again. Also, no one really gets me."

"Hhm," I tried to see his point, but I was hard to. Dave had obviously been through more than anyone here at camp so of course it would be hard for anyone to get him. But I still didn't get why he trusted me. "So who do I remind you of?"

"You remind me of my sister. You both have blond hair; you're both smart and most often time's know-it-alls. When someone asks a simple question you both go off on big long speeches, you both have something you're really good at-for you its architecture and for her it's psychology, you aren't afraid to hurt the ones that hurt the people you love and when you both get angry, your eyes turn a shade darker," Dave highlighted some of the key information. "And you're both snarky broads who don't deal with no shit."

"You seemed to remember a lot about your sister," I observed not going to remark about the snarky broad part because that would just prove his last point.

"Almost everything except a name," Dave said pulling a rose out of his Sylladex. "I found this on my bed. I don't know why."

"A rose on your bed?" I took the rose out of Dave's hand. "Maybe it's like the ram's head given to you that remind you of Aradia, this is supposed to remind you of something."

"Yeah," Dave replied. "But I have to ask your something important. You're not a virgin, are you?"

"What?!" I asked him surprised that he was asking personal questions.

"Come on Annabeth, you're a heterosexual girl who has a hot boyfriend-from the pictures I've seen-and you're almost eighteen. You've had to fuck a couple of times."

"Why do you need to know this?" I asked him angrily.

"Because I slept in a bed that belonged to your boyfriend," Dave reminded me. "And I want to know if you've slept in it too."

"We're not allowed to be in a cabin alone for said reasons," I informed Dave.

"But you could have done the do elsewhere too," Dave reminded me. "And you don't look like a virgin."

"How do I not look like a virgin?" I questioned Dave.

"Just can tell," Dave answered me. "Like how I can tell that Nico's a gay little fucker and he's a virgin. Leo's not exactly bisexual but he doesn't really care and he's a virgin. Frank waves his Heterosexual flag around like a crazy patriotic redneck and has probably never felt horny in his life unless he became a rhino-which he hasn't. Hazel's from the 1930's so she still upholds virginity and she upholds heterosexuality too. Would you like me to continue?"

"No," I told him ready to change the subject. "But what do you think we need for the quest?"

"Weapons," Dave began. "Clothes are always good but they're optional. Something to entertain yourself of course. At least five computers on your person at all times like any sensible person. A couple phones work too. Movies and shows because it's gonna be a long trip to get across the country and movies are always good. Fuck, I don't know."

"Fine," I sighed. "Then do you know why we need to go to 21605 Fir Drive, Maple Valley, Washington?"

"That was a friend's house," Dave answered. "Maybe it can jog my memory, because I'm pretty sure that at that house our game of Sburb started."

"And we'll go wherever we need to go from there," I guessed.

"If that doesn't help me then the next stop is my apartment in Houston," Dave answered. "Then my sister's mansion in Rainbow Falls, New York, then my other friend's home on an island in the Pacific. If that doesn't help . . . then we're screwed."

"Maybe other clues will show up like the rose," I answered looking at the rose. "Maybe someone's name was Rose."

"Too obvious," Dave scoffed plucking the rose out of my hand and putting it in his mouth. "See you bright and early," Dave said through the rose before waltzing out of the room in a dramatic and ironic exit.


	11. Annabeth: The Flight of the Argo 2

The morning we all assembled on the Argo 2 before take-off. Everyone was there except Dave. Chiron had shown up with Mr. D and Coach Hedge who was coming with us again to wish us off. The only thing we needed was Dave.

"I thought he was supposed to be leading this quest," Jason grumbled looking off for Dave.

"Yeah, well, I am leading this quest," Dave poked his head from bellow the deck. "I got here early because I wanted a good room-but all of them were taken so I decided to bunk in the stables because it seemed obviously vacant of horses."

"You've been here the whole time?" Leo asked.

"Yeah," Dave answered. "And I have some news. I had a dream last night."

Everyone groaned and Dave looked confused.

"Demigod dreams are never good an often predict the future," Chiron informed Dave.

"Yeah, and Freud said that if you see it in your dreams, then you want to fuck it," Dave retorted. "That doesn't make Freud right."

"So if you saw your parent in a dream . . ." Hazel was trying to comprehend.

"If you saw anything that looked like a human that Freud said that you wanted to fuck your parent," Dave answered noticing the horrific looks dawning on most of the demigod's faces since they had often communicated with their parents in their dreams. "Again, doesn't make him right. Anyway, my dream."

"Anything bad?" Frank asked.

"No, let me talk. Captain Strider commands you to shut the fuck up and let me talk," Dave told Frank.

"Captain Strider?" Jason questioned.

"Well I am leading the quest and I'm the only one who knows where the hell we're going to I'm the Captain," Dave informed Jason.

"I thought you said that you didn't know where we were going to end up?" I asked Dave.

"Now I do. I would tell you what and how I got this information but I can't get a word in so if everyone would just shut the fuck up then I will talk," Dave commanded.

"I like this kid, this Dane Stroller," Mr. D whispered to Chiron.

"Alright, so it began like this," Dave began to retell his dream. "I was at a divide between a city of gold and a city of purple on the purple side. I was wearing a really cool set of red PJs and I had a cape and everything with a red cog symbol on my chest. I looked up to see Percy Jackson on the other side of the divide-the golden city. He was wearing what looked like gold silk PJs that also looked totally sweet. I looked to my right and I saw Jack Noir standing there. On my left was a green skull dude named Lord English. Above me on a giant flying red battleship was an alien with orange horns and black body suit that had a giant pink Pisces symbol on it, carrying a double-sided trident name the Batterwitch. Looked back to Percy and standing in between us was this strange orange guy. He looked scared, though he had no mouth, just white eyes and a nose. He started to freak out and was yelling at us 'It's happening again! Again! Seriously! Jack Noir, Lord English, and Condie! Doc Scratch, Sn0wman, Spades Slick! All of them! AGAIN! They're going to destroy both universes! You have to stop them from destroying Earth and Skaia! Prospit and Derse! Past and Future! Go! Before they do something bad!' Then the purple and golden cities began to break apart as the images of Lord English and the Batterwitch disappeared. Jack was wearing a golden ring with four pearls on it, and emitting from the ring were lengthy red tendrils breaking the two cities apart. As I saw the cities being destroy I heard the one dudes voice yell 'Get Jack first!'. Then I woke up."

"'A green skull dude' and 'an alien with orange horns'?" Jason questioned my descriptions. 'he had no mouth, just white eyes and a nose'. This dream seems nonsense."

"But I've been to the purple city before-Derse, it's called. I've never been to Prospit-the golden city, though," Dave told Jason. "Also, the Batterwitch, Lord English, I had to fight them and kill them! You know how I said Jack was the cancer? Well, Lord English and the Batterwitch are even worse than him! I don't know who they are or why I had to fight them but they're worse news than Jack."

"So what do we do?" Piper asked Dave.

"We go after Jack," Dave answered.

"But what about Lord English and the Batterwitch?" Frank asked.

"We leave them until we regroup up with my friends . . . wherever they are and . . . whoever they are," Dave said. "We're gonna need more firepower if we're going after the Batterwitch and Lord English along with their armies. Meaning Lord English's gang of gay time traveling leprechauns," Everyone was silent for a moment in confusion. Dave finally spoke up, "Wow, that sounded a whole lot more threatening in my mind. Well, anyway. We'll deal with Jack right now. He's our main problem."

"So where are we going?" Leo asked.

"After we jog my memory some more," Dave began. "We go to Derse."

"Derse? How do we get to Derse?" I asked.

"No fucking clue," Dave answered. "It has something to do with dreaming but I don't know."

"So we all go to sleep and end up on Derse?" Nico questioned Dave.

"No, we need to take the Argo 2 to Derse somehow," Dave answered. "Somehow. But let's just go to 21605 Fir Drive, Maple Valley, Washington for now."

"Good luck," Chiron bid a final farewell.

"Try not to die," Mr. D added.

"Also," Dave had one final thing to say. "I have no idea when we'll be back since we're going to go into another universe, so don't get you hopes up that we're dead too early. But, if I die make sure that you burn my body in apple juice."

With those words of assurance, Chiron and Mr. D left the Argo 2 as Leo prepared to take off.

Dave turned to the crew and said, "Mr. Valdez, Warp 10. Full speeds ahead."


	12. Annabeth: FUCKING IMPS

Three days into our travels and I was restless. Mostly because it was a strange experience so far. We were nearing our first destination and no monsters have attacked.

Since there was eight of us, Dave decided that we needed to split the shifts into four, so two people per six hour shift. It was nice to have a six-hour shift because then you had eighteen hours to sleep or do something you wanted. Though, usually on a quest there wasn't much time to do something you wanted because monsters were attacking you at every corner. It wasn't so with this quest because we haven't seen any monsters, which was really strange. Though, the quest altogether was strange for many reasons one of them being Dave.

Right now, Dave's strangeness isn't the point. It was my shift and Dave paired himself up with me because he trusted me. Currently, he was at the helm playing around with Leo's music collection while pretending to drive the ship though Leo put it on autopilot. I was standing in the middle of the deck looking around. It was a pretty nice day over Idaho. The sun was shining and the clouds were speckled over the sky as the sun was rising. A cool breeze blew through my air as we passed below the clouds and above the ground below. It was a rare peaceful moment.

Dave was rapping along to the Eminem song until he paused leaving an awkward silence with only the blowing wind making the single noise.

"What's the matter Dave?" I turned to the leader of this quest.

"Imp," Dave said slowly walking away from the helm and towards me.

"What?" I asked.

"Imp," Dave repeated pulling his sword out.

"What is an imp?" I asked him.

"Behind you," Dave instructed me. I turned around to face a small black creature with white squinted eyes and small sharp teeth hanging on the mass. His fingers were clawed and he wore patched jester clothes. It hissed as Dave came closer before launching himself at Dave Strider.

Dave made the battle short by slicing in imp in half with a clean move. The imp disappeared and what looked like a large blue gusher dropped on the ground in front of Dave. He walked over it and it disappeared.

"Get everyone else up," Dave instructed me looking around. "Imp's don't travel alone."

I wanted to ask Dave a million questioned but I decided to just go and get everyone up. Leo  
installed a bell to wake everyone up in the dinning area. I ran below deck and rang to bell. Leo and Nico were the first ones to get off their asses and come and see what the problem was. They were still awake because their shift came before ours. Then, Jason, Piper, Frank and Hazel hauled themselves out of bed after Leo, Nico and I went above deck to help out Dave.

"What's attacking?" Nico asked when he and Leo joined me.

"I don't know," I answer truthfully as we went above deck. "Dave just said that there will be more coming."

And Dave was right. More of the imps came. Dave was being flooded by an army of imps, each looking more like a hodgepodge of random objects including a princess, a bird, a cat, and a squid in their black shape. Dave, though he was surrounded by them, seemed to be handling it nicely killing each imp with one stroke of his sword. The blue gusher-like objects fell from the imps and Dave picked them all up as he passed over them.

"Don't stand there," Dave demanded. "Attack! For Narnia!"

Leo didn't hesitate but he started to set the imps on fire and they started to burn. Nico summoned his dead warriors to help thin out the armies of imps and I brought out my knife to stab the imps. All it took was one stab or swipe to kill them. Some of the imps dropped blue gushers, purple gushers, or black drops. When I stepped over them, they disappeared to gods know where.

It was an easy battle to say the least with only one swipe needed to kill an imp. By the time we were done, Jason, Piper, Frank and Hazel came up to join us.

"Welcome to the party, you're late," Leo stated.

"What were you fighting?" Frank asked trying to pick up one of the blue gushers but when his hand passed over it, the blue gusher disappeared.

"Imps," I answered. "Or that's what Dave called them."

"What took you so long anyway?" Leo asked.

"We actually wanted to get dressed for battle this time," Piper explained. "What's Dave looking for?"

Dave, though the battle over, still seemed to be on edge. He was walking around, gathering all the blue gushers as he walked over them, and looking around as if there was supposed to be more. Finally, he stopped and stated.

"Ogre," Dave said.

"Ogre?" Jason asked as Dave ran up to the front of the boat.

"On the sides," Dave repeated.

"What do you mean on the-oh," Leo looked over the side of the boat and was met with a large black hand grasping onto the edge of the Argo 2. A large black figure wearing jester's clothes pulled itself onto the Argo 2. It had two large horns extending from its mouth and started to try and wreck havoc.

Dave didn't waste a minute while the rest of us where forced back into shock. Dave pulled out a shitty sword and jumped up in the air. He jabbed it in the stomach of the ogre before launching off to the mast of the ship. He cut a rope and used it to swing around and landed on the ogre's face. He slashed his sword across the ogre's eyes blinding it. He swung around the tusks wrapping up the rope in between them. Dave leapt off the ogre onto the mast and watched as the blind ogre tried to struggle free.

Leo came to his sense first, "Are you trying to destroy my ship Strider!?" Leo demanded from Dave as he watched the ogre struggled. He knew that the monster could rip the mast off his ship but Dave, from his perch, just gave Leo a smirk.

At the moment where the ogre looked like it was about to destroy the Argo 2 by ripping off the mast, Dave cut the rope and the ogre stumbled backwards off the Argo 2 plummeting to the ground.

"One down, three to go," Dave stated as two more ogres hoisted themselves onto the deck and one struggling to climb up. "Teen Titans Go!"

Dave cut another rope and swung around the ship as we all began to get ready to fight. Jason launched himself off the ground with the wind and settled on one ogre to attack. Frank turned into an eagle to fly up to meet one of the ogre's head on before turning into a bear and starting to maul the face off an ogre. Nico summoned his armies of the dead, and Leo started to shoot bolts of fire at the ogres. That left, Hazel, Piper and I left to attack on the ground, which would mean that we would just be stabbing feet. Thought that has worked in the past, I don't think that it would work here.

"Dave!" I called out for him as he swung around on his rope entertaining his ogre. "What are we supposed to do?"

"Fight the imps!" Dave answered. As if on cue, more imps started to pour over the decks and onto the Argo 2. To say, Hazel, Piper and I were occupied.

"Where are they coming from?" Hazel asked as Dave killed his ogre by pushing it off the ship again after chopping off one of its legs and jumping off its chest.

"They're spawning in," Dave answered as he jumped on the ground killing multiple imps in one stroke.

"Like in a video game?" Leo asked helping Jason killed one of the last two ogres with a combination of fire and lightning. The ogre exploded into a pile of the blue gushers, purple gushers, and black drops.

"Yeah," Dave answered.

"What are they dropping?" Jason asked after being showered in the gushers.

"Grist," Dave answered. "Sburb's equivalent of money."

"What do you use it for?" Piper asked killing another imp.

"I forget," Dave modestly answered.

Frank jumped off his ogre as a frog and turned back into a human on the ground. "Anyone want to help me with ogre?"

"Got it," Dave answered shimming back up the rope and gaining momentum by swinging around like he was on a rope swing. He finally gained enough momentum as he swung around to launch off the rope and land on the ogre square in the chest. He then pushed off the ogre grabbing back onto the rope. The ogre started to tip and Frank helped Dave. He turned into an elephant and ran into the ogre causing it to fall over. I killed the last imp and the battle was over. Maybe.

"Anymore imps?" Nico asked. "Or ogres?"

"Not for now," Dave answered.

"We're almost there," Leo announced looking over his equipment. "Though, now my deck is covered with grist."

"I'll pick it up," Dave offered and just walked around the deck making the grist disappear.

"What now?" Hazel asked Dave as we neared 21605 Fir Drive, Maple Valley, Washington.

Dave paused and turned to me, "We try and get some of my memories back."


	13. Jason: The Egbert House

Dave instructed Leo to land the ship right in the middle of the street in front of 21605 Fir Drive, Maple Valley, Washington. Dave wanted to make this stop short and sweet so Leo did as Dave instructed.

Dave jumped off of the Argo 2 and stared right at the cookie cutter house that was called 21605 Fir Drive, Maple Valley, Washington. There was nothing odd about it, for it looked like every other house on this street. Other than the fact that there was a toilet right next to the mailbox.

"What are you looking for?" Annabeth asked Dave.

Dave was silent, lost in the thought.

"Why is there a toilet there?" Leo asked looking at the toilet.

"Maybe they're throwing it out?" Piper guessed.

"I bet I can name more name for a toilet than any of you can," Leo betted. "There's the potty, john, the porcelain throne-"

"Repeat the second one," Dave instructed Leo.

"What? Toilet names?" Leo asked.

"Yes," Dave answered, not tearing his eyes away from the house.

"John," Leo answered.

Dave was silent again before stating, "This house belonged to John Egbert, one of my best friends. He basically started the game of Sburb. By accident of course. He's a really loveable dork. He plays pranks, the piano, and is obsessed with Nick Cage. Well, not anymore. He used to be. I bought him the bunny from Con Air for his thirteenth birthday. He turned out to be a pretty awesome fighter in the end."

"Anything else?" Annabeth asked Dave.

Dave was silent before stating, "Nothing that needs to be said out loud."

Everyone was just silent as they stared at Dave, who was staring at the house.

"Is anyone even living in the house?" I asked.

Everyone was silent again before Dave stated, "Let's check it out."

Dave walked down the drive-way before everyone was following after him. Mostly because he was about to perform the act of breaking and entering, not because we wanted to see what was inside the house.

"Dave! This is breaking and entering!" Annabeth warned Dave.

"Not if the door is unlocked," Dave stated as he walked up to the front door. He tried to twist the door knob but it was locked. "Shit, it is locked. I just guessed that it wouldn't be locked. Well then, I guess we're breaking and entering."

"But this is against the law," Hazel argued.

"Just see if I care," Dave laughed. "I bet that I don't even exist on this Earth."

"What if they have an alarm system?" Frank asked.

"They don't," Dave answered. "Now, let's bust down this door."

Dave kicked the door opened and walked inside the dark house, the only light coming in through the window. He turned on the light to reveal a quaint living room with a staircase leading upstairs and two doorways, one to a kitchen and another to a study. A roaring fire blazed on in the fireplace, though it was the middle of summer, making the room uncomfortably hot. There was a variety of jester statues on shelves to the point that it was almost creepy.

"This looks just like the pictures John sent me," Dave said walking into the house. "Creepy harlequins in all."

"You mean jesters," I argued.

"Harlequins," Dave replied. He then began to sniff the air, "Can you smell that?"

"No," Frank replied before turning into a bloodhound. He sniffed the air then turned back into a human, "It's a Betty Crocker cake cooking."

Dave scowled, "Fucking Betty Crocker."

He left the room and went through a pair of saloon-like doors and came back out seconds later with a freshly baked Betty Crocker cake, fully frosted and looking amazing.

"Cake!" Leo exclaimed and walked over to Dave to get some, but it was too late. Dave threw the cake into the fire and watched it burn with no emotion. Leo and Frank both seemed traumatized that Dave wasted a perfectly good cake.

"What was that for?" Leo demanded.

"Fuck the Batterwitch!" Dave proclaimed.

"Who's the Batterwitch?" Piper asked.

"I dunno," Dave replied. "Hey, where did Annabeth go?"

"Upstairs!" Annabeth called. Dave then went up the stairs and everyone followed. He went down the hallway and found Annabeth in a gray bedroom. The bedroom itself seemed to glorify pipes, ties, shaving, and manliness.

"Who's that douche?" Dave asked pointing to the large black and white picture of a man smoking a pipe hung above the bed.

"Bing Crosby," Annabeth replied. "He was the one who first sang Irvin Berlin's White Christmas in the movie Holiday Inn."

"I thought he sang it in White Christmas?" Leo asked.

"No, Holiday Inn inspired two more Irving Berlin movies: White Christmas and Easter Parade. Bing Crosby was in White Christmas, Fred Astaire and Judy Garland in Easter Parade."

"Fred Astaire, he's the guy with the pointy face?" Dave asked.

"Yes," Annabeth replied.

"And wasn't Judy Garland in Wizard of Oz?" Piper then asked.

"Yes," Annabeth answered.

"So why are you looking through Mr. Egbert's things?" Dave asked leaning over Annabeth's shoulder.

"Just curious," Annabeth replied sifting through Mr. Egbert's nightstand.

"Why does this guy have a throw rug with the outline of a fedora printed on it?" Leo asked stepping around the rug.

"Because Mr. Egbert had mangrit," Dave tried to explain. "And bitches dig mangrit."

As Hazel sweared, Annabeth turned around to slap Dave upside the head.

"I do not think I deserved that," Dave informed Annabeth.

"Let's just go and check out the other room," Annabeth sighed and walked out of the room. Everyone followed her as she went to the other bedroom. Inside the other bedroom was a shrine to horrible movies. Con Air, Ghost Busters II, Face Off, Ghost Dad, John had them all. The only creepy thing was that there were scribbles of jesters and insulting phrases written on the wall above the bed.

"Ah yes, the holy shrine of Egbutt," Dave exclaimed as he entered the bedroom. "Shitty movies, multiple cakes, stupid magic tricks. Ah, John was one of a kind."

"Why did he write on the walls?" Hazel asked looking at what was written above the bed.

"I . . . have no explanation for that," Dave replied observing the drawings.

As Annabeth tried to get onto John's computer, and Dave went over there to insult his friend's skills in computers, I left the room to walk back into the hot living room. I was going to search around some more without Dave. I started by walking over to the door right across from the hallway and opening it up. It led to a balcony with a strange piece of white machinery on it.

The white machinery was one of the strangest things I'd ever seen. It had a large white platform with multiple controls surrounding it. A large robot arm with a strange piece of black machinery attached to the end stood up at the side. There was a smaller platform right underneath it.

"Whoa," Dave's voice came from behind it. It seemed like Dave had followed me out here. "You found an Alchemiter."

"A what?" I asked as Dave walked up to it.

"An Alchemiter," Dave repeated. "Oh, just think of the sweet shit we can make with this! But that means, that there must be the other machinery around here somewhere! Let's go!"

Dave grabbed my hand and dragged me down the stairs into the study which had two other strange pieces of machinery.

"Look! A Totem Lathe! And a Punch Designix! If we find a Cruxtruder then we can make anything, and everything!" Dave exclaimed.

"What is this stuff even for?" I asked Dave.

"Okay," Dave began. "Say you take this hat," Dave grabbed a fedora off of the hat stand. "And this harlequin," Dave grabbed a jester off of the piano. "And you captchalogue them," the hat and the jester disappeared from Dave's hands. "Then, you take the cards," two yellow cards with the hat and the fedora on them appeared in Dave's hands. "And you put them into the Punch Designix. You get a Cruxite Dowel, which the Cruxtruder makes, and put it into the Totem Lathe. According to the design the two punch cards place on top of each other make, the Totem Lathe will carve the Cruxite Dowel to make a Cruxite totem. You take the Cruxite totem to the Alchemiter, and the Alchemiter will make an amalgam of the fedora and jester that you can actually wear and use."

"That's complicated," I commented.

"It is," Dave agreed. "But awesome. We'll get Leo to put this stuff on the ship so we can use it, and make awesome weapons and things."

I didn't say anything but followed Dave back out into living room where there was now another white piece of machinery that wasn't there before. It was large, bulky, and had a main cylinder inside it.

"Are we all very, very ignorant of our surroundings or did that just appeared while we inside the study?" Dave asked me.

"It certainly wasn't there before," I commented, because it was smack in the center of the room.

"Well, now we have our Cruxtruder," Dave finished up. "Let's get everyone to load this sick gear up on the Argo 2."

"Wait," I paused Dave. The lid on the main cylinder of the Cruxtruder was moving. We both watched it as it flew off and an explosion of confetti bursted out of it. Dave, the living room, and I were completely covered with small, colorful pieces of paper.

"EGBERT!" Dave yelled angrily.

"Wait," I stopped Dave again. A small piece of paper peacefully blew out of the Cruxtruder as if it was being guided by a gentle breeze right into my hands.

"Oh mighty Jason," Dave faked bowed. "The almighty piece of paper has chosen you as its champion."

The front of the paper was blank so I flipped it over and revealed an address, "It's an address."

"The almighty paper must be guiding us to our next destination," Dave ripped the piece of paper out of my hand. He looked it over before turning it again because it was upside down. He then stated, "Yep, it's definitely an address."

"You must be a genius or something," I sighed as Dave stated the obvious.

"IQ of 167. Higher than Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, and Stephen Hawking. I just play dumb," Dave retorted as he studied the address. "Seems familiar. It's in New York."

"Meaning we have to fly all the way back to the other side of the country!" I exclaimed thinking that we were just over there.

"Rainbow Falls in New York," Dave said out loud. "It's in Adirondack State Park."

"Who do you know that?" I argued.

"I just told you my IQ level," Dave retorted.

"What's going on?" Hazel asked as she came down the stairs. "And what is that?"

"Cruxtruder," Dave and I said at the same time.

"We need to load that along with Alchemiter, the Totem Lathe, and the Punch Designix onto the Argo 2 so we can make cool shit," Dave explained.

"Why are you two covered in confetti?" Leo asked, as he came down the stairs right behind Hazel and Frank.

"Egbert," Dave answered.

"I thought you said he might not exist in this universe," Frank informed Dave.

"His pranking spirit still lives in this very house," Dave answered.

"And we got our next destination," I added taking back the piece of paper from Dave. "Rainbow Falls in New York."

"But we were just over there," Hazel pointed out.

"The paper dictates it," Dave argued snatching the paper back. "See?" Dave handed Hazel the paper and she looked over it.

"Where did you get the paper?" Hazel asked.

"Cruxtruder," Dave and I said at the same time again.

"I'm not even going to ask," Annabeth sighed as she came downstairs with Piper.

"I will," Piper added. "What-"

"John," Dave and I said at the same time for the third time. "Cruxtruder."

"So what do you have there?" Dave asked Annabeth who was carrying a hard drive.

"I downloaded everything on your friend's computer," Annabeth replied. "So we can look over it to see if there is anything that could help us."

"Good," Dave agreed. "John always said that he had some furry porn he downloaded on accident. I've always wanted to see if he was bluffing or not."

"What's-?" Hazel was about to ask.

"Don't ask," Frank stopped her.

"So where are we headed to?" Piper asked.

"After we get all of the sweet gear out of this house," Dave instructed. "We're going back to New York. Rainbow Falls."

"Another cross-country trip," Annabeth groaned.

"But you know what they say: New York, New York, it's a wonderful town. The Bronx is up and the Battery's down. The people ride in a hole in the ground. New York, New York, it's a wonderful town."

"Quoting musicals? Really Dave?" Annabeth asked Dave.

"Nothing is below me," Dave stated.

"And we're headed to Rainbow Falls," I added. "Not New York."

"As I said, nothing is below me," Dave restated. "Now, let's get moving!"


	14. Jason: A Poem by Dave Strider

Chapter Fourteen: Jason: A Poem by Dave Strider

We spent the rest of the day trying to get all of the machinery out of the Egbert house and onto the Argo 2. It was a pain for me, because I had to use the wind to lift the Alchemiter off of the balcony and onto the ground. Then, Dave directed everyone on how to get the machinery out of the house, and didn't bother to lift a finger. Gods, I really hated him.

So later that night, we took off and I was able to go to sleep. However, in the middle of the night the emergency bell rang and everyone was summoned to the top deck. We were half-dressed for battle and everyone was surprised when it turned out to just be Dave.

"Why'd you wake us up?" Leo demanded.

"I wrote a poem," Dave declared.

"That's what you called them up here for?" Annabeth asked Dave, who was on shift with him. "I thought you had made some important battle plan or you had some important news or something you remembered!"

"This is important," Dave argued. "Now, sit down. And when I'm done, you have to snap because snapping is cooler than clapping."

"Why?" I asked. "Just why?"

"I'm your captain, and I say sit your ass down so you can hear my cooler than ice poem," Dave ordered me. I just sighed and sat down on the deck with everyone else. "Okay, so this poem is called Swiggity-Swag."

"Oh no," I groaned.

"Hey Jason, shut up or I'm sending you to Davy Jones' Locker," Dave threatened me.

"Davy Jones's locker?" I questioned.

"Yes," Dave started. "Here he comes now to claim your soul for his dirty gym locker filled with sweat socks in his ship the Flying Dutchman. As he flies through the sky in his ghost ship with his crew of monkeys, you can hear his death march play. It goes like this: 'Cheer up, Sleepy Jean, oh what can it mean, to a daydream believer and a homecoming queen. You once thought of me, as a white knight on a steed-'"

"You can stop now Dave," Annabeth informed Dave.

"Not a really good death march," Frank commented.

"It's an allusion to Davy Jones' of the Monkees," Annabeth explained to Frank. "His name is the same as the Davy Jones of the actually pirate myth. 'Daydream Believer' is one of Davy Jones' signature songs."

"Oh," Frank then shut up and turned back to Dave.

"Are going to read the poem or not?" Piper asked Dave. "I want to go back to bed."

"Okay, here I go," Dave cleared his throat then began.

"Swiggity swag, what's in the bag?

Said the hag with the rag

To that douche-nozzel nag

"Swiggity-swat, watcha getting at?

Said the cat and the bat

To the no good damn awful rat

"Swiggity-swick, airwick

Said the chick watchin da flick

With her hot boyfriend Mick

"Swiggity-swock, what's up doc?

Said the clock going tock

To the barber wearing da smock

"Swiggity swass, do she have a ass?

Said the bass to Lewis Cass

Who was loaded with sass

"Swiggity-swuck, what the fuck?

Said the duck in the truck

Selling drugs to Chuck

"Swiggity-swack, where's the shack?

Said Mack with the crooked back

To the crybaby Jack

"Swiggity-swime, just in time

To hear a rhyme for a dime

As the clock goes chime

"Swiggity-swow, oh no

He lost the show as it started to snow

And then he ran over the female doe."

Then Dave had finished and he took a bow but no one was snapping or anything.

"Well," I stated. "That's five minutes of my life I will never get back."


End file.
